


(Maybe I won't) Die Alone

by colormyworldbright



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: F/M, and this song, beadick trash, die alone by ingrid michaelson, gosh I love these two, i guess this is a songfic, there was not enough beadick in the trailer so here i am, though they could never be trash, well ben's technically not in here but its all about him so i think he'd count
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:17:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4308330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormyworldbright/pseuds/colormyworldbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Beatrice thinks over her feelings for Ben considering the possibility that she won't die alone with a ton of cats and Hero in a cat costume. </p>
<p>Inspired by and referencing the song "Die Alone" by Ingrid Michaelson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Maybe I won't) Die Alone

**Author's Note:**

> A short fic inspired by a truly Beadick themed song that's been stuck in my head:"Die alone" by Ingrid Michaelson. Disclaimer: I do not at all own this song or have any ties to those who do.

_(I woke up this morning a funny taste in my head_

_Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread._

_Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue._

_Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.)_

  _  
_

She feels different. And sure it's not like a completely sudden change, its built up over time, but God it's like everything's catching up to her. 

 

Hero's in the clear, sort of. The scars that formed from the fight she's gone through with Pedro and Claudio and the rumor haven't healed yet. Not entirely. But she's really so much better. And the rumors have entirely ceased since John posted "Confession". 

 

So now there isn't this huge important thing going on distracting from another huge important thing. So maybe that's why it's hitting Beatrice all of a sudden now. 

 

Or maybe it's just that last make out session they had. 

 

Probably both. 

 

So she's thinking over everything, and she can't believe herself. Everything has changed. She's changed. Suddenly she's not 14. Suddenly the worst she's physically seen in humanity isn't the guy that broke her heart. Suddenly her heart isn't broken. 

 

God, was that really four years ago? 

 

  
_(I'm just a stranger, even to myself._  
 _A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf._  
 _Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him._  
 _Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him.)_

 

And now she doesn't know anything anymore. "Everything's weird" she'd proclaimed to the world. Sure she didn't want it to stop anymore, but it's still weird. 

 

Who even is she? 

 

A few months ago she would have died before considering Ben (again). She would have died before confessing that she liked him. She would have died before kissing him like that. 

 

And she knows she needs to tell him that she's changed. Sure, he's probably gotten the idea since she's stopped attempting to kill him with words everytime they've seen each other and they've kissed and even held hands (another thing she would have never done before). But she needs to tell him.

 

He's better at it. The whole feelings thing. Maybe he's just like that. Maybe it's because he's been less distracted. He's better at the whole romance thing. He's better with his words. (Only in this sense, she's still the queen of witty banter.) 

 

She needs to tell him. 

 

 

_(I never thought I could love anyone but myself._   
_Now I know I can't love anyone but you._   
_You make me think that maybe I won't die alone._   
_Maybe I won't die alone.)_

 

 

Yes, maybe her plan was to grow old alone with many cats and Hero in a cat costume, but plans change.

 

She used to think she could never love anyone like that. Her problems with Ben were proof enough of this. Maybe she misinterpreted it. It wasn't that she could never love anyone; her heart had just given up when she found out the one person she was supposed to be with didn't like her. Or something like that. 

 

Point of the matter, she was wrong. About her feelings and her plans. 

 

She loved him. And if she was lucky, she wasn't going to end up a lonely crotchety old emu. If they were lucky, they'd end up together "till death do them apart." 

 

  
_(What have I become?_  
_Something soft and really quite dumb._  
_Because I've fallen, oh, 'cuz I've fall-fallen, oh 'cuz I've fall-fall-fallen_  
_So far away from the place where I started from.)_

 

 

And the mixed feelings about her feelings still plague her, because come on she's Beatrice. Beatrice Duke. She's not this cheesy lovey romantic chick flick character. 

 

But yeah, no, yeah, she's so far gone. One look into his eyes and she gets the whole falling for someone phrase because a piece of her is falling, melting to the ground. 

 

Of course she has, that's why these cheesy lyrics seem to be flowing out of her. 

 

That's why she feels so different: she is.

 

But that's not a bad thing really. Just like being single isn't bad, being half a couple isn't bad either. 

 

 

_(Maybe I won't die alone.)_

**Author's Note:**

> So this takes place after the Vigil but before the Montage and the posting of Way to Tell You.


End file.
